Fasting. (Day 4)
My First Fast
I have had friends and others commenting about my weight loss, but remind them of the true purpose. That being it is a spiritual journey, and the weight loss is a byproduct. Each time I felt hunger pain, or became lightheaded, I prayed. Amazingly, neither of those symptoms continued.
Realizing that I have become consumed by essentially what I consume, has been interesting. I did not realize how I had been gripped not by food, we need food for nutrients so our body can operate in a healthy manner, but in a sense, become enslaved to patterns I did not notice. For example, the pattern of emotional medication of time, feeling, and unfulfilled areas of my life were being masked through "food marination". By this I define it, in lehman's terms, as "filling a void". I have heard of others doing this, and never thought I would. Well, I thought wrong, and have. It is not extreme, and I don't need a psychologist, but I forgot to view food as an art, appreciate the necessary ingredients involved, cooking wholesome meals vs. meals that make me whole, and how much in intake affects my body, and attitude.
It is nothing for me to cook a couple pounds of beef, load it up with cheese, throw it in a wrap, and call it a meal. A second thought would not occur to eat two whole pizzas, chase it down with gatorade or water to make me feel better, and not even feel the impact of my bottomless pit of a stomach. My poor stomach. What a strong iron wall it must have. I almost felt like I conquered something, and was a super star of sorts by the amounts of food and beverage I could consume. My body doesn't need that, but my mind needed that silent affirmation, and accomplishment. I was masking time, distracting true needs, and filling it with bad food habits. It isn't easy to bring awareness to self about this if you work out, know it but don't absorb it past surface value, and feel as if you are fine because you are not hospitalized. Small steps like this over long periods of time will eventually lead to health problems. I know I am getting older if I say things like this, ha.
Food to me is a wonderful thing. It is a way to not only meet your body's need, but a way to slow down, gather with friends, share moments, be "soul food" vs. a task of eating, and truly "be what you eat". If "I am what I eat", I have become not a slice of pizza, but several pizzas, cheeseburgers, quick fix meals that bandaid over the true food I should be eating. No wonder we can unanimously agree that our society is immorally obese physically, and mentally.
I first noticed this when smelling certain foods, seeing marketing advertisements or billboards, and my mind created salivation. Obviously, if I am fasting, and can survive without these bountiful burdens of self inflicted luxury food needs, I can survive on basics. It is as if our fruits and vegetables became different processed versions of themselves, to the point that we could not imagine planting our own garden, or what it takes to make whatever is in that frozen box.
Admitting through transparency, I will go back to eating my cheesy filled, sugar loaded, processed packed "whatevers" such as pizzas and more, I am now in complete awareness of the pitfalls of my patterns. There is a definite need to change my eating, which we all know can change mind, body, and spiritual feeling. Actually implementing this knowledge into disciplined long term action, will be the true challenge.
I have had friends and others commenting about my weight loss, but remind them of the true purpose. That being it is a spiritual journey, and the weight loss is a byproduct. Each time I felt hunger pain, or became lightheaded, I prayed. Amazingly, neither of those symptoms continued.
Realizing that I have become consumed by essentially what I consume, has been interesting. I did not realize how I had been gripped not by food, we need food for nutrients so our body can operate in a healthy manner, but in a sense, become enslaved to patterns I did not notice. For example, the pattern of emotional medication of time, feeling, and unfulfilled areas of my life were being masked through "food marination". By this I define it, in lehman's terms, as "filling a void". I have heard of others doing this, and never thought I would. Well, I thought wrong, and have. It is not extreme, and I don't need a psychologist, but I forgot to view food as an art, appreciate the necessary ingredients involved, cooking wholesome meals vs. meals that make me whole, and how much in intake affects my body, and attitude.
It is nothing for me to cook a couple pounds of beef, load it up with cheese, throw it in a wrap, and call it a meal. A second thought would not occur to eat two whole pizzas, chase it down with gatorade or water to make me feel better, and not even feel the impact of my bottomless pit of a stomach. My poor stomach. What a strong iron wall it must have. I almost felt like I conquered something, and was a super star of sorts by the amounts of food and beverage I could consume. My body doesn't need that, but my mind needed that silent affirmation, and accomplishment. I was masking time, distracting true needs, and filling it with bad food habits. It isn't easy to bring awareness to self about this if you work out, know it but don't absorb it past surface value, and feel as if you are fine because you are not hospitalized. Small steps like this over long periods of time will eventually lead to health problems. I know I am getting older if I say things like this, ha.
Food to me is a wonderful thing. It is a way to not only meet your body's need, but a way to slow down, gather with friends, share moments, be "soul food" vs. a task of eating, and truly "be what you eat". If "I am what I eat", I have become not a slice of pizza, but several pizzas, cheeseburgers, quick fix meals that bandaid over the true food I should be eating. No wonder we can unanimously agree that our society is immorally obese physically, and mentally.
I first noticed this when smelling certain foods, seeing marketing advertisements or billboards, and my mind created salivation. Obviously, if I am fasting, and can survive without these bountiful burdens of self inflicted luxury food needs, I can survive on basics. It is as if our fruits and vegetables became different processed versions of themselves, to the point that we could not imagine planting our own garden, or what it takes to make whatever is in that frozen box.
Admitting through transparency, I will go back to eating my cheesy filled, sugar loaded, processed packed "whatevers" such as pizzas and more, I am now in complete awareness of the pitfalls of my patterns. There is a definite need to change my eating, which we all know can change mind, body, and spiritual feeling. Actually implementing this knowledge into disciplined long term action, will be the true challenge.
Day 1: 278 to 275
Day 2: 275 to 269
Day 3: 269 to 266
Day 4: 266 to 263
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