Ode to the Microwave











Oh microwave, how I love thee, let me count the minutes and seconds... I was thinking how life would be without you, and just couldn't imagine! How else would I melt cheese quickly on my food in need of the delicate delights of melted loveliness, just would not be right. Without you I would be left with the oven, which is great and I love for cooking on the skillet and baking needs, but lets be transparent with each other, you save me money and time. Please don't tell oven, I do like the taste of my pizzas from it, as well as baking the occasional pre mixed/cut cookies from Kroger when they're on sale and I see the yellow coupon sticker calling out to me when getting either the generic or name brand (depending which is on sale) croissant/crescent rolls.

Oh microwave, I don't like popcorn, but when quests are at my home that do, you make is so much simpler to prepare the popping salty buttery flavorful smell good delight. You make left over pizza quickly warm again, but I do have a bone to pick with you, although it's warm again, it just isn't the same as when I first baked or ordered the pizza. All in all, you serve your purpose.

I admire how you do all this all without starting a fire or creating large amounts of heat. Learning how microwaves work from chemistry class and how you speed up particles to heat the food honestly scares me when I think about it, but I soon forget due to the short amount of time between submitting food to be warmed, pressing the buttons, and obtaining my newly heated product. Microwave, o microwave, how did we ever exist without you? Extensive time to use an oven, stick and stone, ... you have made life easier, but at what cost? I know you suck away nutrient with your particle speeding ways, and also extract juicy taste, but you save me time and money. You quite frankly implant fear in my heart with your super powers of controlling "electromagnet friction molecular cancerous celluizing deformating oxidizing agitation".

I apologize for the unintentional times I had products with metal or aluminum in them, or in my youth I tested your capacity to heat a fork. I never meant to hurt you, and also learned you don't like to heat certain plastics either. For all the explosive messes I created because I didn't cover things like spaghetti, chili, soup, and similar items I apologize. I learned this is not easy to clean, and often goes for weeks before you get a clean. I also know after numerous times that you love marsh mellows. I can't get over how awesome it is to simply throw a marsh mellow in you and watch magic happen.

To the work microwave, I hope you have signs around you that bluntly proclaim justice via the slogan "Don't splatter your platter" and similar reminders. I hope your friend the paper towel is around to cover and also quickly clean messes made on you. You poor community microwave, how I feel so much sympathy for you, ha.

I wanted to sincerely express my appreciation for you allowing me to continue the fast pace life we are all in, save me time, and also money with your electric ways. I truly appreciate your "Popcorn" button, as I use it for everything to eliminate button pushing steps. For all the microwavable dinners and various platters you allow us to cook in you, thank you. For all the products that you have to peel away an edge, as well as poke fork holes throughout, yet you still just can't heat up that bulky center of the food, nice try, thanks for getting half way there, and stay persistent when heating throughout.

So, next time you're microwaving your breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snack, say thank you to your microwave. Remember, they need love too, just like you, ha. Feel free to share your pattern of microwaving, nuances, stories of community microwaves, abuse of microwaves, items you habitually microwave, or just share your love for your personal or community microwave in your life. Happy pseudo cooking!

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